I was never really taught how to pray. I was taught that I prayed “wrong” in their eyes. Or that God didn’t work a certain way. But I believe that God can work any way that he wants.
But here I am, as a grown woman, a wife, a mother, a believer; and I struggle with what to say. To the one who knows that shadows of my heart. It’s silly when I think about it.
Being told that you are doing something wrong definitely makes it challenging and intimidating to try and do it in front of people that you care about and respect. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to pray in front of my family or friends, it was because I was so worried that they would judge me for how I prayed. Not because of what I prayed about. I still struggle with it.
I long to teach my boys (and future children) how to pray. How to talk to God without fear or second thought of what others might think. To talk to him like a Father, yet respect Him like a King.
I will have to lead them by example. I will have to teach them, while I am still learning.
I am not saying that as a disrespect to my husband. My husband is the head of our house in every way possible. Yet, he is gone for whole days (he works 12 hours shifts, gone from 7:30am till 8:15pm, basically missing whole days with the boys) Which means, I am the one that my children see constantly. I am the one they will have to learn from.
It terrifies me.
Awhile back, I had the amazing privilege of going to a Beth Moore conference (if you have the opportunity to go, GO!!). I learned so much. While I was there, I bought a TON of books/cd guides. (I have a slight problem when it comes to books. I want them ALL!) One that I bought is “Lord teach me to pray workbook” by Kay Arthur. With all the craziness of the summer, I have yet to crack it open. But that is going to change, and I can’t wait.
For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.